MountainsPosted: September 19, 2013
My life has been feeling like the top of Mount Everest lately. I don’t say that to boast. It is actually quite uncomfortable. To be overwhelmed with the life you have attracted turns out to be a bit complexing.
Since starting this column, I’ve been on quite a climb. Moving across the world, traveling, losing and gaining confidence, faith and loved ones. In many ways, the mountain has been steep and unforgiving.
Around mid year there was a major shift in my life that brought the view of a mountain top closer. A love. One I have never experienced like this. A challenging, unexpected, completely consuming love pointing me in a new direction. Even though all the details of this path is new it feels like one I’ve traveled before.
This is not a romantic comedy kind of love; based in fantasy and pleasure that is bound to run out. It is the kind that feels like a cool, long shower washing over every inch of my body in the hottest of climates. The kind that makes every hurdle seem surmountable. The kind that brings tears from growth that are followed by the joy of finally becoming the human being you’ve been meaning to be. Although, it is influenced by, it is not solely dependent on, the whim of another imperfect human being or anything else outside of me. This love is coming from inside.
I keep asking myself, “now that you have (or see the clear path to having) everything you have ever wanted, what are you going to do with it?”
I’ve let that question stir in my spirit for weeks. We are so used to the struggle of the climb that we have difficulty enjoying the view from the top.
I have gone through so many contingency scenarios and self inflicted fear tactics in my mind about why this can’t be real; in essence trying to justify why I don’t deserve this happiness.
How completely ridiculous. The universe must be laughing at me.
We all deserve the exact amount of love we put out in the world. That love has brought me to this mountain top and my God, it is beautiful.
I am fully aware that this elation, this top of the mountain feeling won’t last. There are other mountains to climb. However, I welcome the next upward struggle because I recognize now that there will always be mountain tops.
It is simply my choice to see the uncertainty of the under path and the bliss of the pinnacle with same amount of love, grace, humor and compassion for myself & others. So, whether you’re at the bottom or top of your mountain I urge you to do the same.